Getting Past Gambling

Something to think about

2008-04-20T10:09:00.001+10:00

Gambling addicts don't keep playing because they like the feeling when
they win,

so much as they hope to win to get rid of the feeling that comes when
they lose.

Something to think about

2008-04-20T10:09:00.000+10:00

Gambling addicts don't keep playing because they like the feeling when
they win,

so much as they hope to win to get rid of the feeling that comes when
they lose.

Wisdom of the Rooms

2008-01-20T17:10:00.000+11:00

http://www.theWisdomoftheRooms.com

Quote of the Week

"Anger is one letter away from Danger."

When I came into the program I was so angry, but I didn't realize how much. For years I had used drugs and alcohol to numb these feelings, to manage and hide them. When these were taken away, my anger quickly turned to rage, and I soon found that I had turned much of this rage inward. In fact today I still believe that a core characteristic of alcoholism is self-loathing.

Thank God for the Steps. By working the 12 Steps I learned to forgive others and myself, take responsibility for my part, and I learned how to surrender to a Higher Power. Slowly I began to release a lot of the shame and resentment that made up a lot of my rage.

But I still get angry sometimes. And these days I've learned that when I do get angry, I'm still in danger of turning it inward and acting in self-destructive ways. I'm quick to isolate and grow more depressed, to tell someone off and create resentments, or even to eat too much and go into self-loathing. Thankfully today I've learned to acknowledge and deal with my anger before it turns into rage.

Today I realize that anger is one letter away from danger.

___________________________________

Quote of the Week

2008-01-01T10:43:00.000+11:00

"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."

When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I was pretty miserable.

As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough 4th step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.

Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.

___________________________________

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ALL SUCCESS STARTS WITH BEGINNING

2007-12-30T00:36:00.000+11:00

Everyone who got where they are had to begin where they were.
There are opportunities all around you.

To reach your goal or to attain success, you don't need to know
all of the answers in advance.
But you do need to have a clear idea of your goal.

Don't procrastinate when faced with difficult problems.
Break those problems into parts, and handle one part at a time.
Develop tendencies toward action.
Break your big plan into small steps and take the first step right away.
You can make something happen, right now.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Take it..

THE DAILY GURU

*******************************************
©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice
*******************************************

The Top 10 Ways to Design Your Destiny

2007-10-26T19:59:00.001+10:00

The Top 10 Ways to Design Your Destiny

1. Decide you can do it.
You already are. Every decision you make every day makes YOU!
Awaken to this and drive your destiny.

2. Energise your desires.
And be energised by them. Your desires allied with your decisions make miracles happen.

3. Follow your intuition.
Let your intuition surprise you, and lead you in some unexpected directions as you...

4. Take the lead in your life.
You ARE the champion in your circle. Step up and claim your title. Your life influences people, whether you want it to or not. Be the winner that lights their lives.

5. Make action your passion.
"Just do it."

6. Evaluate the invaluable -- Your Values.
In knowing your values you know yourself. They are what drive you, what you drive, and how you handle the road of your life.

7. Inform your dedication.
Just like your values, you choose 'em. What do you want to make happen in the world? Why do you want it? Give yourself the gift of clear focus - and taste the sweetness of dedication made evident.

8. Balance your beliefs...
With your focus, values and goals. Every belief can serve you easily or challenge you to grow - give yourself a great mix and watch the party of your life unfold.

9. Enhance your heart,
For designing your destiny is most effective with a big heart in mind.

10. Develop your devotion...
To that which really matters to you. Designing your destiny is fun for its own sake for five minutes. What is your life really about?

Submitted by Elizabeth Mullen, who can be reached at em@cornerstonecoaching.com, or visited on the web at http://www.cornerstonecoaching.com © 2001 CoachVille.

The Top 10 Great Life Skills to Have, to Use and Improve

It takes a lot of skills to negotiate through life. Many of them we pick up along the way, others we need to develop, and some we just need to polish a little bit. Here are a few life skills to consider getting, using, or practicing in your life...

1. Listening

2. Giving compliments

3. Accepting compliments

4. Thinking positive

5. Saying "No"

6. Laughing

7. Planning

8. Asking questions

9. Reading

10. Exercising

Submitted by Jim Allen, who can be reached at Jim@CoachJim.com, or visited on the web at http://www.CoachJim.com © 2001 CoachVille.

Top ten beliefs to help you create the work you were born to do.

1. You can find what you love and earn money from it.

2. You can change your attitude and your circumstances.

3. Your inspiration and love can lead to paid work or a great job.

4. You can be authentic and real, and be successful.

5. The purpose of work is to find and give expression to the best of you, and work can be easy and natural.

6. Life supports you when you find your heart, love and passion, and the intelligence inside you will handle many of the details.

7. You can bring more and more of yourself to your work.

8. You have more creativity and resources inside you than you ever imagined.

9. It is safe to be successful, be your best self and shine your light.

10. You are good enough, have lots of gifts, skills and talents and deserve success

How to simplify your Life

In this very fast paced world, it seems impossible to simplify our lives. But think about this, how much time and energy do you waste on the unnecessary? How much time do you waste because you can't find things?

How much energy do you waste telling yourself all the things you should do? How much time do you spend having fun? We often make life much more complicated than it needs to be and somehow we have convinced ourselves that our lives must be filled to max. We over schedule our lives, and then wonder why we feel dissatisfied.

In turn, we end up spending the majority of our time on the things that don't matter to us. Here are some strategies to help you weed out the unnecessary and simplify, simplify, simplify.

1. Extend your boundaries.
It is okay to say no. If you are not comfortable committing to a task, or something doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. We often get in trouble because we ignore our gut feelings, and most of the time it leads us down the wrong path.

2. Drop your to-dos.
Drop the to-dos that have been on your list for a couple of months. Get rid of those tasks that you keep telling yourself that you will get done but you always find something more interesting/important to do. If you have not done them by now, they are not important and draining your energy.

3. Remove clutter.
How much time do you waste looking for things? Do you have stuff that you need to get rid of? The more cluttered your space is, the more stressed you are going to feel. When you remove clutter, get rid of stuff that you no longer need, and give objects a home, your life will run more smoothly. In addition, you will create a space for new things to enter your life.

4. Develop your values.
Determine what your values are and live to those values. We often feel conflicted because how we are living is out of sync with our values. For example, if your number one value is family and your job requires you to work 65 hours a week is it any wonder that you feel unsettled and unhappy? When you're clear about what is important to you, it will be easier to let go of things that don't fit.

5. Examine your beliefs.
What are your core beliefs? Some of your beliefs may be limiting your ability to let go of tasks and projects that don't add value. If you believe that you create value by being busy, it is much harder to let go of tasks. If you believe that the only way to make money is to work hard, then you will always work hard. Remember, we look for circumstances in our lives to reinforce what we believe.

6. Create priorities.

Determine the 1 or 2 things you want to accomplish within the next year for your career/business, home life, relationships, and self. Work only to those priorities. If your goal is to develop a new income generating product line, that is where you should spend significant time focusing your attention. It is very easy to get distracted from our priorities, because there is so much information out there that inspires our interest.

How often do you get diverted to other projects and never finish what you were originally working? What happens? The year goes by and you did not accomplish any of your objectives. When new ideas do excite us, get an idea notebook and write all of your new ideas down for future projects. One note, if you find yourself working on everything but your stated priorities, it may be time to reexamine what you think you want.

7. Give yourself permission to relax.
We live in a culture that has taught us that relaxing is the equivalent to being lazy so we have created lives that are bursting at the seams and don't give us time to think. There is another way, give yourself permission to relax. Revel in doing nothing. Give yourself time to just think and do nothing. You will be amazed at all the new and interesting discoveries that come to you.

8. If you're struggling, let it go.
If something is a real struggle, or you can't come up with a solution, drop it for awhile. Giving yourself a mental break will allow your brain to rest and therefore create new ideas. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and had an aha? This happens for two reasons, 1) because you are relaxed, and 2) because you were not trying to direct your brain's thoughts. Giving yourself a mental break from a challenge is a great way to consciously create that aha.

9. Take care of yourself.
Isn't it funny that we take better care of our cars than our bodies? Take care of your body and mind. Eat things that bring you a sense of energy and lightness. Eat to fuel your body. Exercise your body to reduce stress and clear your mind. Exercise your brain with new activities. This will go a long way in helping you feel more calm and relaxed.

10. Have fun.
Why is it so hard for us to have fun? Make time each week to do something that brings you joy. Do something completely silly. Have fun with yourself. Laugh. Forget all the other stuff for awhile and just have fun. You will feel a whole lot better.

This piece was originally submitted by Jennifer Ottolino, Personal & Professional Coach, who can be reached at Jen@coachjen.com, or at www.coachjen.com © 2000-2002 by Thomas J. Leonard.

REFLECTION FOR THE DAY - OCTOBER 2007

2007-10-15T23:02:00.000+10:00

October 14
"Fundamental progress has to do with the reinterpretation of basic ideas,"
wrote Alfred North Whitehead.
When we review or ups and downs of our recovery in GA, we can see the truth of that statement.
We make progress each time we get rid of an old idea, each time we uncover a character defect, each time we become ready to have that defect removed.
We make progress, one day at a time, as we shun that first bet, that first addictive act that could so quickly swerve us from the path of growth onto the path of despair...

Do I consider the progress I've made since I came to GA????

May I remember that there are a few new ideas in the world, only the old ones reinterpreted and reinstated.
May I always be conscious that the big things in life-- like love, brotherhood, God, abstinence from addictive behavior--become more finely defined in each human life.
So may the Twelve Steps in recovery be redefined in each of our lives, as we keep in mind that these are the time--tried principles that work.......

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
The Twelve Steps work.

Who is This Person

2007-10-15T22:49:00.000+10:00

If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough. VP Pappy

Who is This Person

It is not unusual for the spouse of a compulsive gambler to wake up one day with his or her whole world turned upside down. When the spouse or family becomes aware of the gambler's addiction, he may be so far in debt that the spouse cannot even comprehend the extent of the debt. It may take months for the spouse to unravel the web of debt. Often even the gambler does not know how much money he has lost or to whom he owes money. How a spouse does not realize the extent of the problem is a curiosity, however for most spouses, they are truly blind sided by the extent of the damage that the gambler has done.

Many spouses know that their spouse is a gambler, they just don't have any idea how bad it has gotten. Compulsive gamblers very quickly become master manipulators, liars and thieves. It is very common for the gambling addict to have been a responsible, thrifty, apparently well rounded individual...................until they start to gamble.

Unfortunately, you cannot tell a gambling addict when they are walking down the street. There is no smell to their breath, they don't have needle marks in their arms, they don't stumble or slur their words. Anyone, doctors, lawyers, teachers, ministers, housewives, great grandmothers, teenagers, accountants, fast food workers....anyone can be a compulsive gambler.

Gambling addiction is very much like other addictions in some ways, but it has it's own unique qualities. Gambling addiction is the only addiction that has the promise of a "jackpot." Heroin addicts do not delude themselves into thinking that if they shoot up one more time, all of their problems will be solved. The alcoholic doesn't loot his savings and 401K to buy alcohol. Sex addicts do not think that if they have just one more anonymous sexual encounter they can make up for all the damage they have done. The compulsive gambler continues to gamble thinking that the next turn of the card, roll of the dice or spin of the wheels will be the "big one." The win that will make it all all right, turn their luck around, allow them to pay back all of the money they have lost. Unfortunately, even if there is a big win, it doesn't matter. The compulsive gambler just keeps gambling, thinking if he won that much, he can win some more. One of the worst things that can happen to a pathological gambler is to win big. It just reinforces that idea that if he keeps at it, he will win more.

Once the gambler becomes a pathological gambler, he or she is no longer the same person and neither is their spouse. The person who always buys used cars because new cars lose value too quickly, suddenly doesn't think anything of blasting through $1,000 on the slots in an hour. The guy who maxed out his 401K contributions every year finds himself blowing on dice, screaming "come on seven" with his last dollar on the table. The person who has scrimped and saved for years to buy the R.V. to travel in during his golden years, suddenly finds it reasonable to bet it all on red at the roulette table. The person who has saved to put his child through college because he never had the chance to go, suddenly forgets how important that goal is and blows the whole wad on the ponies in a fun filled weekend.

It's almost as if they have compulsive gambler seminars at the casino, they all seem to learn very quickly how to hide their tracks. Gambling addicts take off work early to get home before the mail gets there so their spouse won't find the bills or they get a post office box or have their bills delivered at work trying to hide their handiwork. They know the name, age of children and birthplace of the person at the payday loan company. They don't answer their cell phones. They sneak away from work so their spouse won't know they have been to the casino. The list is endless of the ways that a gambling addict will find to gamble and to cover up what they are doing.

They will beg, borrow and steal to finance their gambling. They will drain the families' savings, 401 Ks, children's college funds, take the equity out of their homes, steal from their employers, charge their credit cards to the maximum, take out new credit cards, borrow from banks, finance companies, payday loan companies, borrow from friends, family and coworkers, they will take the money their kid earned mowing lawns in the summer, all in the delusion that sooner or later they will win enough to pay it all back.

The compulsive gambler will only stop gambling when they no longer have access to money.

They become liars. They cannot seem to find it in themselves to tell the truth. They will lie to their spouse, children, supervisors, the neighbors, but mostly they lie to themselves. They know they have a problem. They understand they have a problem, but they just keep doing it.

The light at the end is that gambling addiction can be treated, although there is debate over how effective treatment is. Gambler's Anonymous and other programs, counseling and time help the gambler with his problem. Gam Anon is helpful for the families. However, once gambling addiction has entered your life, it will never be the same.

For the spouse, the trust has been broken. Forever, in the back of your mind, you wonder when it will happen again. Is the gambler gambling, lying, stealing? You wonder, when is it going to start all over again, I didn't know it the last time, will I recognize it this time before it is too late? It is always in the back of your mind when you call and they don't answer their cell phone or when they are a few minutes late getting home. When the alcoholic falls of the wagon, there may be a lot of consequences, but if the gambler falls of the wagon he can take his family into bankruptcy over a weekend bender.

Some people wonder why the spouse just doesn't divorce their gambling mate and the answer to that is difficult. There is a plethora of reasons for not leaving, but the reality is that the only hope that many spouses have of getting out of debt is for the gambler to quit gambling and help pay off the bills. Most debt that is acquired by the gambler is seen as "marital debt" and even if the spouse divorces the gambler, they will still have to pay back the debt.

Gambling addiction has one of the highest suicide rates of all addictions and this is partially due to the nature of the consequences. With most addictions, the addict can lose everything he had, his family, his job, his self-respect, he can take himself down to having nothing left, zero, zip, nada. However. the gambling addict may have lost all of those things, but his aftermath doesn't stop merely at zero. The gambler may have lost his family, job, self-respect AND may be thousands, tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and the only way he knows of to get out of debt is........(insert drum roll) ....................to gamble and win the big one. When the alcoholic quits drinking, he picks up the pieces and moves on, but the gambler may be faced with overwhelming debt that he cannot see a way out of when he quits gambling.

Don't despair, many gambling addicts make it through, quit gambling and move on with their lives, but as with any other addiction it can be a life time struggle both for the gambler and the people who love them.

All material remains the property of the author

http://www.oagaa.org/html/who_is_this_person_.htm

YOU DETERMINE YOUR ATTITUDE

2007-06-17T02:58:00.000+10:00

Your attitude is not determined by circumstances, but by how you respond to your circumstances.
You can respond positively or negatively to any situation.

It's how you react to events, not the events themselves, that determines your attitude.

Any challenge facing you
is not as important as your attitude towards it, for that will determine your success or failure.

Things turn out best for the people
who make the best of the way things turn out.

It's not your position but your disposition that counts.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

Reflection for the Day

2007-04-06T13:07:00.000+10:00

April 1
If we don't want to slip, we'll avoid slippery places. For the gambler that means shunning poker parties and race tracks and anywhere that gambling is taking place. For me, certain emotional situations can also be slippery places; so can indulgence in old ideas, such as a well-nourished resentment that is allowed to build to explosive proportions.

Do I carry the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program with me wherever I go?

TODAY I PRAY
May I learn not to test myself too harshly by "asking for it," by stopping in at the casino, the Bingo hall, or the track. Such "testing" can be dangerous, especially if I am egged on, not only by a craving for the old object of my addictions, but by others still caught in addiction whose moral responsibility has been reduced to
zero.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Avoid slippery places.

April 2
What causes slips? What happens to a person who apparently seems to
understand and live the Twelve Step way, yet decides to go out gambling again? What can I do to keep this from happening to me? Is there any consistency among those who slip, any common denominators that seem to apply? We can each draw our own conclusions, but we learn in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that certain inactions will all but guarantee an eventual slip.

When a person who has slipped is fortunate enough to return to the Program, do I listen carefully to what he or she says about the slip?

TODAY I PRAY
May my Higher Power show me if I am setting myself up to gamble again. May I glean from the experiences of others that the reasons for such a lapse of resolve or such an accident of will most often stem from what I have not done rather than from what I have done. May I "keep coming back" to meetings.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Keep coming back.

April 3
In almost every instance, the returned slipper says, "I stopped going to meetings," or "I got fed up with the same old stories and the same old faces," or "My outside commitments were such that I had to cut down on meetings," or "I felt I'd received the optimum benefits from the meetings, so I sought further help from more meaningful activities." In short, they simply stopped going to meetings. A saying I've heard at Gambers Anonymous hits the nail on the head: "Them that stops going to meetings are not present at meetings to hear about what happens to them that stops going to meetings."

Am I going to enough meetings for me?

TODAY I PRAY
God keep me on the path of the GA Program. May I never be too tired, too busy, too complacent, too bored to go to meetings. Almost always those complaints are reversed at a meeting if I will just get myself there. My weariness dissapates in serenity. My busyness is reduced to it's rightful proportion. My complacency gives way to vigilance again. Any how can I be bored in a place where there is so much fellowship and joy?

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Attend the meetings.

April 4
Another common denominator among those who slip is failure to use the tools of the Gamblers Anonymous Program--the Twelve Steps. The comments heard most often are, "I never did work the Steps," "I never got past the First Step," "I worked the Steps too slow," or "too fast" or "too soon". What it boils down to is that these people considered the Steps, but didn't conscientiously and sincerely apply the Steps to their lives.

Am I learning how to protect myself and help others?

TODAY I PRAY
May I be a doer of the Steps and not a hearer only. May I see some of the common mis-Steps that lead to a fall: being too proud to admit Step one; being to tied to everyday earth to feel the presence of a Higher Power; being over- whelmed by the thought of preparing Step Four, a complete moral and financial inventory; being to reticent to share that inventory. Please God, guide me as I work the Twelve Steps.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
To watch my steps.

April 5
Still another common thread we invariable see among slippers is that many of them felt dissatisfaction with today. "I forgot we live one day at a time," or "I begain to anticipate the future," or "I began to plan results, not just plan." They seemed to forget that all we have is NOW. Life continued to get better for them and, as many of us do, they forgot how bad it had been. They began to think, instead, of how dissatisfying it was compared to what it could be.

Do I compare today with yesterday, realizing, that by contrast, what great benefits and blessings I have today?

TODAY I PRAY
If I am discourged with today, may I remember the sorrows and hassles of yesterday. If I am impatient for the future, let me appreciate today and how much better it is than the life I left behind. May I never forget the principle of "one day at a time."

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
The craziness of yesterday

The Support of a Friend

2007-03-09T10:09:00.000+11:00

You probably thought you couldn't do it. But somehow, you did. You faced it, admitted you have a problem and you're starting to look for help. You took some steps that started the healing process, and soon your life will be changing: Your relationships may get better, your conscience will be eased, and hopefully your life will seem more appealing. Best of all, you know you're doing the right thing.

You'll need encouragement and frequent reminders to keep going on this new and less-than-clearly marked path. It's important to remember, though, that admitting you need help is the hardest part of overcoming an addiction or problem. The more you reveal and share with others, the more likely people will be to expect your life to change. On the one hand, that thought may fill you with the dread and burden of responsibility. After all, if you tell people, they'll expect you to change. Then, if (and when) you relapse, they'll be disappointed in you or even hate you — right? Wrong. The people who truly love you will stick with you as you fight this problem, supporting you both when you change and when you fail. They care about you and want you to succeed. They're probably proud of you — as you should be of yourself — for even having the desire to change. The proverbial "end of the tunnel" may be harder for you to see than for those around you to envision.

The point: People are a vital part of the change you're undergoing. You need them. Without them, you will continue to live in your cramped, airless closet of addiction. Without them, your likelihood of failure increases. That's why you need someone to hold you accountable. So what does accountability look like?

Evaluate your need for help. Depending on where you are in the recovery process from addiction, you may need more help than an accountability partner can give. Often, the best case scenario is the simultaneous help of a professional counselor and an accountability partner. A professional counselor has in-depth education and training and will only see you periodically; an accountability partner may not have background or experience in counseling but can be available and supportive during times of temptation, challenge and success. If you need the services of a professional counselor, TroubledWith.com offers a free, one-time phone consultation with a licensed Christian counselor, as well as referrals to counselors in your area.

Begin by giving an accurate picture of where you are. In the beginning of an accountability partnership, it's critical that you paint an accurate picture for the person who's signed on to help. Unless you let your partner know the core of what's going on, they are powerless to accurately aid you in change. You've got to be on the same page. Don't beat around the bush. The first time you meet with the person who will be helping you, tell them where you are with your addiction and where you want to be. Define for them what role you expect them to play in the changes you hope to make. This first conversation will doubtless be hard, but only when you've trusted a person and put yourself on the line can they really begin to help.

Choose a partner wisely. There are no specific requirements — it doesn't have to be a professional counselor. It could be your best friend or a co-worker. But it must be someone trustworthy, mature, willing and available. Caution: It's not usually a good idea to ask your spouse to be your accountability partner. They'll encourage you and notice changes along the way, but this experience will be difficult and it often helps to have a friend who's not as involved and immersed in your life as a spouse.

Be totally honest. No hiding. No matter how embarrassing, you share. That, of course, implies that the person in relationship with you will be someone who respects you, knows you're struggling, is willing to help, and loves you.

Allow your accountability partner to be honest. Now's the time for you to accept criticism and encouragement without holding back. As you choose a person to hold you accountable, pick someone that will be honest and give you an accurate opinion of the changes you've made and the hurdles you face. At this point, you're weak and need someone strong to hold you up.

Meet regularly and face-to-face. Committing to a set time is best. That way, you'll know you have to report on your progress and struggles each and every week. If a set time isn't possible, try to interact with this partner at least once a week. Meeting face-to-face is also crucial. It's harder, but it's more personal and forces you to be more honest and open than by e-mail or phone.

Answer hard questions. In the beginning, line up weekly questions. Don't be afraid to be specific. For example, if you're fighting pornography, you might have your accountability partner ask: Have you viewed pornography this week? How many times? What were you doing when you made the choice to view it? These are painful, even somewhat embarrassing, questions, but to overcome your addiction, you must be willing to confront pain and embarrassment.

Change with their help. This shouldn't be purely a time of encouragement or purely a time of criticism. You set goals, and you reach them. Timelines don't matter as much as progressive change. Let your accountability partner be your support line, a shoulder to cry on, someone to turn to in weak moments and someone who will love you.

I once heard about a college guy who asked his pastor for help with a drinking problem. The pastor began holding him accountable, and they met together weekly. During the first meeting, the pastor promised that within a year, this young student would be a different man. In the beginning, change was a week-by-week process. He managed to stop drinking, raise his GPA and even began to help others with their problems. However, not quite a year later, the young man pledged a fraternity and began drinking again. He stopped showing up for accountability meetings, leaving the pastor sitting alone at IHOP. When he didn't show, the pastor prayed. A few weeks later, the pastor answered his phone to hear weeping. Through tears, the young man asked his pastor to forgive him, achingly recalling that he hadn't made it a year without failure. When he asked, "Can we start over?" the pastor responded, "No, we can start exactly where we left off."

What the wise pastor realized was that this relapse had been more of a lesson than any lecture or chastisement. Letting someone hold you accountable for change can be a painful process, but it's a process with opportunities to be loved, rewarded, and ultimately, to change.

You've taken the first step. Have courage to keep changing and be confident — you're headed in the right direction.

EVERYONE HAS A CHANCE TO BE SUCCESSFUL

2007-01-23T07:49:00.000+11:00

People often handle life as they do bad weather.
They while away the time waiting for it to stop.
Yet the tide of opportunity comes to everyone.
Opportunity knocks all the time, but you've got to be ready for it.
When your chance comes, you must have the equipment to take advantage of it.
The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, for time and chance happen to everyone.
Take a second look at what appears to be someone's 'good luck.'
You'll find not luck but preparation, planning and success-producing thinking.
When you're prepared for opportunity your chance for success is sure to come.
The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

January 12 - Reflection for the Day

2007-01-13T09:07:00.000+11:00

When I sit quietly and compare my life today with the way it used to be, the difference is almost beyond belief. But things aren't always rosey; some days are a lot better than others. I tend to accept the bad days more easily on an intellectual level than I do emotionally, or at gut-level. There are no pat answers, but part of the solution surely lies in a constant effort to practice all of the Twelve Steps. Do I accept the fact that my Higher Power will never give me more than I can handle -- one day at a time?

Today I Pray
That I may receive strength in the knowledge that God never gives us more than we can bear, that I can always, somehow, endure present pain, whereas the trials of a lifetime, condensed into one disastrous moment, would surely overcome me. Thanks to God for giving us only those tribulations that are in proportion to our strength, never destroying us in our frailty. May I remember that fortitude grows out of suffering.

Today I Will Remember
Present pain is endurable.

2007-01-12T07:48:00.000+11:00

January 11 - Reflection for the Day
The experiences of thousands upon thousands of people have proved that acceptance and faith are capable of producing freedom from gambling. When we apply the same principles of acceptance and faith to our emotional problems, however, we discover that only relative results are possible. Obviously, for example, nobody can ever become completely free from fear, anger, or pride. None of us will ever achieve perfect love, harmony, or serenity. We'll have to settle for very gradual progress, punctuated occasionally by very heavy setbacks. Have I begun to abandon my old attitude of "all or nothing?"

Today I Pray
May God grant me the patience to apply those same principles of faith andacceptance that are keys to my recovery to the whole of my emotional being. May I learn to recognize the festering of my own human anger, my hurt, my frustration, my sadness. With the help of my Higher Power, may I find appropriate ways to deal with these feelings without doing harm to myself or others.

Today I Will Remember
Feelings are real -- I will acknowledge them.

2007-01-11T01:32:00.000+11:00

Reflection for the Day , January 10th: Since I came to GA, I've become increasingly aware of the Serenity Prayer. I see it on literature covers, the walls of meeting rooms, and in the home of new found friends. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Do I understand the Serenity Prayer? Do I believe in its power and repeat it often? Is it becoming easier for me to accept the things I cannot change?

Today I Pray: Grant me that the words of the Serenity Prayer never become mechanical for me or lose their meaning in the lulling rhythms of repetition. I pray that these words will continue to take on new depths of significance as I fit life's realities to them. I trust I may find the solutions, I need in this prayer, which, in its simplicity, encompasses all of life's solutions.

Today I Will Remember: Share the Prayer.

2007-01-10T07:53:00.000+11:00

January 9 - Reflection for the Day
In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have said, "Why me?" when I am trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over gambling, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things.

Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?

Today I Pray
May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person, by nature, faces continually. May I be entirely ready to have this defect of character removed.

Today I Will Remember
Control for the controller (me).

January 8 - Reflection for the Day
Today is the day for which I asked and for which I have been given strength.
That in itself is a miracle. The fact that I am alive is the great miracle from which all other miracles will flow, providing I continue to do the things that have brought me this far in my new life.

Am I grateful that I have been given this day?

Today I Pray
May God's goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. May I never cease to wonder at the greatest miracle in my life -- that I am alive, here, on this green earth, and growing healthier with the life-preserving tools I have been given. Since God has chosen me to give me life and to preserve my life, even through the dangers of my gambling addiction, may I always continue to listen for His plan for me. May I always believe in miracles.

Today I Will Remember
My life is a miracle.

January 7 - Reflection of the Day
I'm beginning to see just how unnatural my old life actually was, and that it became increasingly so as my illness progressed. The longer I'm in the GA Program, the more comfortable this new way of life seems. At first, it was impossible for me to extend my hand to a newcomer; such an act was wholly unnatural for me. But it is becoming increasingly easier for me to reach out to another person. Sharing my experience, strength, and hope is becoming a naturalpart of daily living.

Have I learned that I can't keep what I've gotten unless I "give it away?"
Will I take the time to share today?

Today I Pray
May I share my love, my joy, my happiness, my time, my hospitality, my knowledge of things on earth, and my faith in a Higher Power. Even though I may not see the results of my acts of sharing, may I take joy in the acts themselves. May sharing, according to God's plan, become as natural to me as speaking or breathing.

Today I Will Remember
Be never sparing in caring and sharing.

January 6 - Reflection of the Day
Gamblers Anonymous, wrote Dr. Robert L. Custer in the foreword to the GA Blue Book, is a Program of the Twelve Steps "that's provides a framework of hope, structure, and friendship" for those who have chosen the road to a "successful adaptation to a life without gambling." He adds, "This road can be smooth or rocky, but in any case, it is never a painless journey..." As a recovering compulsive gambler, I can face any discomforts today, knowing that the pain of recovery will never be as acute and desperate as the pain of my gambling days.

Am I prepared to see each new day in the GA Program as a time for learning, growing, and making healthy choices?

Today I Pray
May I make prudent use of the power of choice that God has given me, to plan wisely, one day at a time, without becoming a slave to apprehension, regret or anxiety. I pray that God's will be done through the exercising of my own will, which He, in His goodness, has given me.

Today I Will Remember
God wills my will to be.

2007-01-06T01:47:00.000+11:00

January 5 - Reflection of the Day
"Today is my lucky day." How often in the past we said that, when it was an empty prophesy. Today those words are real; I am being given a second chance. In my gambling days, I sacrificed every "today" for a dream of some distant tomorrow. Of all that I lost, I grieve most for all those "today's" -- I cannot bring back. But today -- this day -- I have. I will not sacrifice or waste it.

Do I truly believe that today is mine, that today I can choose to be happy, to grow, and to learn to live, instead of counting on some pie-in-the-sky day in the far off future?

Today I Pray
I pray that the colors of this day may not be blurred by muted vagaries of the future or dulled by storm-gray remnants from the past. I pray that my Higher Power will help me choose my actions and concerns out of the wealth of my busyness that each day offers.

Today I Will Remember
I will not lose for today, if I choose for today.

REFLECTIONS FOR THE DAY

2007-01-05T08:33:00.000+11:00

January 5
"Today is my lucky day." How often in the past we said that, when it was an empty prophesy. Today those words are real; I am being given a second chance. In my gambling days, I sacrificed every "today" for a dream of some distant tomorrow. Of all that I lost, I grieve most for all those "today's" -- I cannot bring back. But today -- this day -- I have. I will not sacrifice or waste it.Do I truly believe that today is mine, that today I can choose to be happy, to grow, and to learn to live, instead of counting on some pie-in-the-sky day in the far off future?

Today I Pray
I pray that the colors of this day may not be blurred by muted vagaries of the future or dulled by storm-gray remnants from the past. I pray that my Higher Power will help me choose my actions and concerns out of the wealth of my busyness that each day offers.

Today I Will RememberI will not lose for today, if I choose for today.

January 4th
For a good part of my life, I saw things mostly in negative terms. Everything was serious, heavy, or just plain awful. Perhaps now I can truly change my attitude, searching out the winners in the GA Program who have learned how to live comfortably in the real world -- without gambling.If things get rough today, can I take a quiet moment and say to myself, as the philosopher Homer once said, "Bear patiently, my heart -- for you have suffered heavier things"?

Today I Pray
May the peace of God that passes all human understanding fill the place within me that once harbored my despair. May an appreciation for living --even for life's trials -- cancel out my old negative attitudes. During heart-heavy moments, help me to remind me that my heart was once much heavier still.

Today I Will Remember
I am a winner -- in the best sense of the word.

January 3
My gambling compulsion is three-fold in that it affects me physically,mentally, and spiritually. As a compulsive gambler, I was totally out of touch,not only with myself, but with reality. Day after miserable day, like a caged animal on a treadmill, I repeated my self-destructive pattern of living. Have I begun to break away from my old ideas? Just for today can I adjust myself to what is, rather than try to adjust everything to my own desires?

Today I Pray
I pray that I may not be caught up again in the downward, destructive spiral that removed me from myself and from the realities of the world around me. I pray that I may adjust to people and situations as they are, instead ofalways trying, unsuccessfully and with endless frustration, to bend them to my own desires.

Today I Will Remember
I can change only myself.

January 2
Before I came to the GA Program, I hadn't the faintest idea of what it was to "Live in the Now." I often became obsessed with things that happened yesterday, last week, or even five years ago. Worse yet, many of my waking hours were spent clearing away the "wreckage of my future." "To me," Walt Whitman once wrote, "every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle."Can I truly believe that in my heart?

Today I Pray
Let me carry only the weight of twenty-four hours at one time, without the extra bulk of yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's anxieties Let me breathe the blessings of each new day for itself, by itself, and keep my human burden scontained in daily perspective. May I learn the balance of soul that comes through keeping close to God.

Today I Will Remember
Don't borrow from tomorrow.

January 1
In the old days, I saw everything in terms of forever. Endless hours ere spent rehashing old mistakes. I tried to take comfort in the forlorn hope that tomorrow "would be different" As a result, I lived a fantasy life in which happiness was all but non existent. No wonder I rarely smiled and hardly ever laughed aloud. Do I still think in terms of "forever?"

Today I Pray
May I set my goals for the New Year not at the year-long mark, but one dayat a time. My traditional New Year's resolutions have been so grandly stated and so soon broken. Let me not weaken my resolve by stretching it to cover"forever" - or even one long year. May I reapply it firmly each newday. May I learn not to stamp my past mistakes with that indelible word, "forever."Instead, may each single day in each New Year be freshened by my new-found hope.

Today I Will Remember
Happy New Day.

GUILT

2007-01-02T09:47:00.000+11:00

Guilt

"When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go. The past is over. It is time to ask what can we do right, not what did we do wrong. Forgive yourself and move on."
--Bernie S. Siegel

"I have made it a rule of my life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy . . . you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in."
-- Katherine Mansfield

"If we don't forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and others for the wounds they have inflicted upon us, we end up crippled with guilt. And the soul cannot grow under a blanket of guilt, because guilt is isolating, while growth is a gradual process of reconnection to ourselves, to other people, and to a larger whole."
-- Joan Borysenko

"Light burdens borne far become heavy."
-- French proverb

http://www.thedailyguru.com/higherawareness.htm

THE DAILY GURU

2006-12-26T17:46:00.000+11:00

Guilt
"When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go. The past is over. It is time to ask what can we do right, not what did we do wrong. Forgive yourself and move on."
--Bernie S. Siegel

"I have made it a rule of my life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy . . . you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in."
-- Katherine Mansfield

"If we don't forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and others for the wounds they have inflicted upon us, we end up crippled with guilt. And the soul cannot grow under a blanket of guilt, because guilt is isolating, while growth is a gradual process of reconnection to ourselves, to other people, and to a larger whole."
-- Joan Borysenko

"Light burdens borne far become heavy." -
- French proverb

http://www.thedailyguru.com/higherawareness.htm

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHANCE

2006-12-17T10:15:00.000+11:00

Use your imagination and look at things as they can be.
You know what you are today
but not what you may be tomorrow.
You can do anything you wish to do, have anything you wish to have,
and be anything you wish to be.
You don't know what you can really do until you try.
All you have to do is to act on your dreams.
You have the power within you to do things you never dreamed possible.
You would amaze yourself if you did all the things you're capable of doing.
This power becomes available to you as soon as you change some of your beliefs.
Success begins in your mind.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

ACTION IS REQUIRED IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL

2006-12-16T11:05:00.001+11:00

The only way to start to improve your life is to start.
Once you're sure you're on the right road there is no need to plan your journey too far ahead.
Don't burden yourself with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar your progress.
You can only take one step at a time.
You don't need to know all the answers in advance.
Just maintain a clear idea of the goal you want to reach and the answers will come in their own time.
If you can get up the courage to begin, you'll have the courage to succeed.
It's the job you never start that takes the longest to finish.
Go after what you want and you'll get it.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

PROGRESS BEGINS ONE STEP AT A TIME

2006-11-22T11:35:00.001+11:00

There is no sudden leap to greatness.
Your success lies in doing day by day.
Your upward reach will come from working well and carefully.
Good work done little by little becomes great work.
The house of success is built brick by brick.
Adopt the pace of nature. The secret is patience.
A bottle fills drop by drop.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

THE DAILY GURU

2006-11-18T12:45:00.000+11:00

Question:
Why do I continue to get angry, and why do I always feel so justified in my anger even though it always makes me feel terrible at a later time?

Answer:
To be angry is to suffer. It doesn't help anyone to get angry. Anger hurts whoever is angry. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret, and devastates health. And yet, in spite of all of these facts, when we are angry, it feels right. Somehow, in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever is experiencing its heated feelings that he or she is right even though, in the eyes of reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

Anger feels like it is in your best interest because, at the time of its intrusion into your life, it temporarily fills you with a powerful false sense of self. However, this anger can only exist without your conscious consent or awareness of its being there. So it is good that you are wondering how you can be tricked into feeling bad about anything. The Truth wants you to know that it is never in your best interest to suffer, no matter how inwardly convincing it may feel to you that you will be betraying yourself if you don't.

Anger hypnotizes you with a flood of itself. Step back and learn instead to listen to the quiet stream of higher insight that runs softly through your true nature. Let it show you that your anger and suffering proves nothing.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2006-11-15T09:45:00.000+11:00

"My recovery changed when I forever gave up the hope of having a different past."

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my past. Alternately feeling sorry for myself or being outraged at the wrongs - real or
imagined - that were done to me, a constant theme in my thinking is how much different, better, happier I would be if only I hadn't had these parents, or stepparents, or those siblings, or on and on.

But it will never be different. My past will be my past always, and, good or bad, it is uniquely mine. When I got to the program I was taught that in recovery we stop fighting everybody and everything, in other words we surrender. One definition of surrender is to lay down our arms and join the winning side. By surrendering my old feelings about my past, I am free to see the treasure that it really is.

By working my program, I am able to make peace with my past, to look at my part and see the lessons and gifts it has to offer. In time, I come to see how valuable my experiences are, and how I can use them to help another. "One's deepest wounds, integrated, become our greatest power." As I heal my past, I begin to see how it can help heal another as well. Today I no longer regret my past, and that is a true miracle.

http://www.theWisdomoftheRooms.com