Getting Past Gambling

Daily Guru

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Tue, 13 May 2008 21:24:00 +0000

MAKE CHANGE A POSITIVE PART OF YOUR LIFE

You must avoid breaking when things don't go your way.
You'll always be secure to the degree that you accept change.
True security comes from being able to bend your insecurities.

Recognize and accept that change will inevitably take place.
You'll become secure, not by standing still, but by growing,
moving, and staying energized.
Be secure in the knowledge that you can deal with anything
that happens to you.

Have the courage to bet on your ideas.
Take some calculated risks and act on your dreams.
There is no permanent security on this earth, there is only opportunity.

www.thedailyguru.com

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:05:00 +0000

When a person wakes up each morning and rises, with nerves screaming and sick at heart, to face frightening reality; when a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again--well, that takes guts. That takes a kind of real, basic survival courage, a courage that can be put to good use if that person ever finds his or her way to Gamblers Anonymous. That person has learned courage the hard way, and when that person comes to the GA Program, he or she will find new and beautiful ways to use it.

Have I the courage to keep trying, one day at a time?

Today I Pray
May I put the "guts-to-survive" kind of courage left over from my gambling days into good use in the Program. If I was able to "hang on" enough to live through the miseries of my addiction, may I translate that same will to survive into my recovery program. May I use my courage in new, constructive ways.

Daily Guru

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:27:00 +0000

EVERY FAILURE IS A STEP CLOSER TO SUCCESS

People who try to do something and fail
are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
Experiencing failure is inevitable on your journey to be successful.
Every defeat is merely an installment to victory.

You'll find that the number of times you succeed is in direct proportion
to the number of times you fail and keep trying.
You won't be judged by the number of times you fail,
but by the number of times you succeed.

Failure is nothing but education,
nothing but the first step to something better.

*************************************
©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice
*************************************

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:20:00 +0000

My courage must come each day, as does my desire to avoid a single bet, a single addictive act. It must be a continuing courage, without deviations and procrastination, without rashness, and without fear of obstacles. this would seem like a large order indeed, were it not for the fact that it is confined to this one day, and that within this day much power is given to me.

Do I extend the Serenity Prayer to my entire life?

Today I Pray

May each new morning offer me a supply of courage to last me during the day. If my courage is renewed each day and I know that I need just a day's worth, that courage will always be fresh and the supply will not run out. May I realize, as days pass, that what I feared during the earliest days of my recovery I no longer fear, that my daily courage is now helping me cope with bigger problems.

Today I Will Remember

..... give me courage - just for today.

Wisdom of the Rooms

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 21:17:00 +0000

"The program does for us slowly what (gambling) alcohol and drugs did for us quickly."

I can clearly remember what I felt like before recovery. I was anxious, on edge, so uncomfortable with my life that I wanted and needed to escape. I can also remember the immediate sense of ease and comfort that came from the first hit of my drugs or alcohol. Suddenly, everything was OK, and the future actually had some hope in it.

This was my solution for a long time, and when it stopped working, I was truly at a jumping off point. In the beginning of my recovery, meetings and fellowship offered me temporary relief from the near constant dread and anxiety I felt. The problem was how to get by in between meetings, and I'll tell you, it was rough going for quite a while.

And that's when I heard someone share that "we go to meetings for relief, but we work the steps for recovery." As I worked my program, I found this to be true. The relief and sense of ease and comfort I used to get through using now began to be part of my everyday experience. After a while, I actually had peace and serenity and most of the time felt comfortable in my own skin.

One day I realized that the program had done for me slowly what drugs and alcohol had done for me quickly.

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Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:16:00 +0000

Do I extend the Serenity Prayer to my entire life?

Today I Pray

Today I Will Remember

God give me courage - just for today.

Wisdom of the Rooms

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 03:10:00 +0000

"Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

This is still hard for me to accept. My ego tells me that my plans and ideas about how things should go, and how you should act, are 99% right, and that if everybody would just fall in line, then everything would be great and I'd be happy. But how many times has my self will twisted or bullied things into place and got me what I thought I wanted, when I'd eventually realize it wasn't what I wanted? Most of the time is the short answer.

There's an old gypsy curse that goes, "May you get everything you want." Once again, my ego hears that and says, "That doesn't sound like a curse!" but my experience understands the wisdom in it. And one of the gifts I've received in recovery is the willingness to pray for the knowledge of God's will (not mine) and the power to carry that out.

And that's when the miracle truly happens for me and countless others. You see, the wants and needs of my ego are limited and short sighted. But God's will is vast and includes infinite possibilities for happiness and fulfillment. By developing the faith to truly seek God's will, I've been able to let go of controlling others, to show up and look for ways to be of service, and to let go of expectations.

And doing this has enabled me to see that, "Things aren't necessarily going wrong just because they're not going my way."

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Wisdom of the Rooms

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:17:00 +0000

"Without tolerance for another, it's hard to have empathy for myself"

Tolerant was one of the last words you would have used to describe me before I entered the program. Instead, I was quick to judge you and could always find fault with what you said, or how you dressed, or what you did. My opinion of myself was so low that I constantly had to rip you down to build myself up. Living this way made me bitter, isolated and resentful.

As I listed my resentments in my fourth step, and more importantly my part, I began to see how much my fear and low self-esteem drove my decisions and actions, hurting both myself and others. But as I listened to others sharing honestly and openly about their struggles and fears, I began to feel a connection, and for the first time an empathy for others.

I once read a description of empathy as being an emotional echo that is sent out to the inner center of another person and that returns with pieces of yourself. And once I began finding pieces of myself in other people's stories, I began to look for the shared humanity in our experiences. And that's when I began to develop tolerance and compassion for others as well as for myself.

Today I understand that without tolerance for another, it's hard to have empathy for myself.

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Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sat, 10 May 2008 02:36:00 +0000

Energy Follows Focus, So Whatever You Focus On, That Is What Will Happen !!!

"Perfect courage," wrote La Rochefocauld, "means doing unwitnessed what we would be capable of with the world looking on."

As we grow in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we recognize persistent fear for what it is, and we become able to handle it. We begin to see each adversity as a God-given opportunity to develop the kind of courage that is born of humility, rather than of bravado.

Do I realize that whistling to keep up my courage is merely good pratice for whistling?

Today I Pray

May I find courage in my Higher Power. Since all things are possible through God, I must be able to overcome the insidious fears that haunt me - so often fears of losing someone or something that has become important in my life.

I pray for my own willingness to let go of those fears.

Today I Will Remember

Praying is more than whistling in the dark.

TODAY IS THE TIME FOR ACTION

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sat, 10 May 2008 02:16:00 +0000

You must be ready when opportunity comes before you.
Luck is the time when your preparation and opportunity meet.
There is a tide in your affairs, which, when taken at the flood, will lead you on to fortune and success.

By the law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again and again, not capriciously, but at regular periods,
and each thing in it's own period, and each obeying its own law.

As events tend to repeat themselves, the tide of opportunity will come to you.
Be prepared and your chance for success is sure to come.
Look around you. Seize an opportunity to change your life.

You can change chance into good fortune if you are ready.
The only sure thing about your luck is that it will change.

********************************
©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice
**************************************************************

Something to think about

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:09:00 +0000

Gambling addicts don't keep playing because they like the feeling when they win, so much as they hope to win to get rid of the feeling that comes when they lose.

Wisdom of the Rooms

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 06:10:00 +0000

"Anger is one letter away from Danger."

When I came into the program I was so angry, but I didn't realize how much. For years I had used drugs and alcohol to numb these feelings, to manage and hide them. When these were taken away, my anger quickly turned to rage, and I soon found that I had turned much of this rage inward. In fact today I still believe that a core characteristic of alcoholism is self-loathing.

Thank God for the Steps. By working the 12 Steps I learned to forgive others and myself, take responsibility for my part, and I learned how to surrender to a Higher Power. Slowly I began to release a lot of the shame and resentment that made up a lot of my rage.

But I still get angry sometimes. And these days I've learned that when I do get angry, I'm still in danger of turning it inward and acting in self-destructive ways. I'm quick to isolate and grow more depressed, to tell someone off and create resentments, or even to eat too much and go into self-loathing. Thankfully today I've learned to acknowledge and deal with my anger before it turns into rage.

Today I realize that anger is one letter away from danger.

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Wisdom of the Rooms

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 23:43:00 +0000

"Anger and resentment are masks for fear."

When I came into the program, I was pretty angry. With the alcohol and drugs gone, I very quickly got in touch with my feelings, and for me that meant my anger quickly turned into rage. Oh, and resentments - I had a lot of those as well. Without having developed the spiritual tools to deal with my feelings yet, I was pretty miserable.

As I began working my way through the program, I learned in the twelve and twelve that we were driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear. After doing a thorough 4th step that included a fear inventory, I found I was driven by way more than just a hundred! It took years, though, for me to realize the connection between my fears and the anger and resentment I felt.

Today I not only see the connection, but I feel it all the time. In fact, today I know that whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, impatient, quick to snap at people, or just generally irritable, I'm usually in fear of something. And, again, the twelve and twelve tells me it's usually that I'm afraid of losing something or of not getting something I demand. The good news is that today I have a solution. Today, when I'm feeling angry or resentful, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. Doing this allows me to take the mask off my fears and that always leads me to a solution.

___________________________________

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ALL SUCCESS STARTS WITH BEGINNING

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 13:36:00 +0000

Everyone who got where they are had to begin where they were.
There are opportunities all around you.

To reach your goal or to attain success, you don't need to know
all of the answers in advance.
But you do need to have a clear idea of your goal.

Don't procrastinate when faced with difficult problems.
Break those problems into parts, and handle one part at a time.
Develop tendencies toward action.
Break your big plan into small steps and take the first step right away.
You can make something happen, right now.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Take it..

THE DAILY GURU

*******************************************
©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice
*******************************************

The Top 10 Ways to Design Your Destiny

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:59:00 +0000

The Top 10 Ways to Design Your Destiny

1. Decide you can do it.
You already are. Every decision you make every day makes YOU!
Awaken to this and drive your destiny.

2. Energise your desires.
And be energised by them. Your desires allied with your decisions make miracles happen.

3. Follow your intuition.
Let your intuition surprise you, and lead you in some unexpected directions as you...

4. Take the lead in your life.
You ARE the champion in your circle. Step up and claim your title. Your life influences people, whether you want it to or not. Be the winner that lights their lives.

5. Make action your passion.
"Just do it."

6. Evaluate the invaluable -- Your Values.
In knowing your values you know yourself. They are what drive you, what you drive, and how you handle the road of your life.

7. Inform your dedication.
Just like your values, you choose 'em. What do you want to make happen in the world? Why do you want it? Give yourself the gift of clear focus - and taste the sweetness of dedication made evident.

8. Balance your beliefs...
With your focus, values and goals. Every belief can serve you easily or challenge you to grow - give yourself a great mix and watch the party of your life unfold.

9. Enhance your heart,
For designing your destiny is most effective with a big heart in mind.

10. Develop your devotion...
To that which really matters to you. Designing your destiny is fun for its own sake for five minutes. What is your life really about?

Submitted by Elizabeth Mullen, who can be reached at em@cornerstonecoaching.com, or visited on the web at http://www.cornerstonecoaching.com © 2001 CoachVille.

The Top 10 Great Life Skills to Have, to Use and Improve

It takes a lot of skills to negotiate through life. Many of them we pick up along the way, others we need to develop, and some we just need to polish a little bit. Here are a few life skills to consider getting, using, or practicing in your life...

1. Listening

2. Giving compliments

3. Accepting compliments

4. Thinking positive

5. Saying "No"

6. Laughing

7. Planning

8. Asking questions

9. Reading

10. Exercising

Submitted by Jim Allen, who can be reached at Jim@CoachJim.com, or visited on the web at http://www.CoachJim.com © 2001 CoachVille.

Top ten beliefs to help you create the work you were born to do.

1. You can find what you love and earn money from it.

2. You can change your attitude and your circumstances.

3. Your inspiration and love can lead to paid work or a great job.

4. You can be authentic and real, and be successful.

5. The purpose of work is to find and give expression to the best of you, and work can be easy and natural.

6. Life supports you when you find your heart, love and passion, and the intelligence inside you will handle many of the details.

7. You can bring more and more of yourself to your work.

8. You have more creativity and resources inside you than you ever imagined.

9. It is safe to be successful, be your best self and shine your light.

10. You are good enough, have lots of gifts, skills and talents and deserve success

How to simplify your Life

In this very fast paced world, it seems impossible to simplify our lives. But think about this, how much time and energy do you waste on the unnecessary? How much time do you waste because you can't find things?

How much energy do you waste telling yourself all the things you should do? How much time do you spend having fun? We often make life much more complicated than it needs to be and somehow we have convinced ourselves that our lives must be filled to max. We over schedule our lives, and then wonder why we feel dissatisfied.

In turn, we end up spending the majority of our time on the things that don't matter to us. Here are some strategies to help you weed out the unnecessary and simplify, simplify, simplify.

1. Extend your boundaries.
It is okay to say no. If you are not comfortable committing to a task, or something doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. We often get in trouble because we ignore our gut feelings, and most of the time it leads us down the wrong path.

2. Drop your to-dos.
Drop the to-dos that have been on your list for a couple of months. Get rid of those tasks that you keep telling yourself that you will get done but you always find something more interesting/important to do. If you have not done them by now, they are not important and draining your energy.

3. Remove clutter.
How much time do you waste looking for things? Do you have stuff that you need to get rid of? The more cluttered your space is, the more stressed you are going to feel. When you remove clutter, get rid of stuff that you no longer need, and give objects a home, your life will run more smoothly. In addition, you will create a space for new things to enter your life.

4. Develop your values.
Determine what your values are and live to those values. We often feel conflicted because how we are living is out of sync with our values. For example, if your number one value is family and your job requires you to work 65 hours a week is it any wonder that you feel unsettled and unhappy? When you're clear about what is important to you, it will be easier to let go of things that don't fit.

5. Examine your beliefs.
What are your core beliefs? Some of your beliefs may be limiting your ability to let go of tasks and projects that don't add value. If you believe that you create value by being busy, it is much harder to let go of tasks. If you believe that the only way to make money is to work hard, then you will always work hard. Remember, we look for circumstances in our lives to reinforce what we believe.

6. Create priorities.

Determine the 1 or 2 things you want to accomplish within the next year for your career/business, home life, relationships, and self. Work only to those priorities. If your goal is to develop a new income generating product line, that is where you should spend significant time focusing your attention. It is very easy to get distracted from our priorities, because there is so much information out there that inspires our interest.

How often do you get diverted to other projects and never finish what you were originally working? What happens? The year goes by and you did not accomplish any of your objectives. When new ideas do excite us, get an idea notebook and write all of your new ideas down for future projects. One note, if you find yourself working on everything but your stated priorities, it may be time to reexamine what you think you want.

7. Give yourself permission to relax.
We live in a culture that has taught us that relaxing is the equivalent to being lazy so we have created lives that are bursting at the seams and don't give us time to think. There is another way, give yourself permission to relax. Revel in doing nothing. Give yourself time to just think and do nothing. You will be amazed at all the new and interesting discoveries that come to you.

8. If you're struggling, let it go.
If something is a real struggle, or you can't come up with a solution, drop it for awhile. Giving yourself a mental break will allow your brain to rest and therefore create new ideas. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and had an aha? This happens for two reasons, 1) because you are relaxed, and 2) because you were not trying to direct your brain's thoughts. Giving yourself a mental break from a challenge is a great way to consciously create that aha.

9. Take care of yourself.
Isn't it funny that we take better care of our cars than our bodies? Take care of your body and mind. Eat things that bring you a sense of energy and lightness. Eat to fuel your body. Exercise your body to reduce stress and clear your mind. Exercise your brain with new activities. This will go a long way in helping you feel more calm and relaxed.

10. Have fun.
Why is it so hard for us to have fun? Make time each week to do something that brings you joy. Do something completely silly. Have fun with yourself. Laugh. Forget all the other stuff for awhile and just have fun. You will feel a whole lot better.

This piece was originally submitted by Jennifer Ottolino, Personal & Professional Coach, who can be reached at Jen@coachjen.com, or at www.coachjen.com © 2000-2002 by Thomas J. Leonard.

REFLECTION FOR THE DAY

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 13:02:00 +0000

"Fundamental progress has to do with the reinterpretation of basic ideas,"
wrote Alfred North Whitehead.
When we review or ups and downs of our recovery in GA, we can see the truth of that statement.
We make progress each time we get rid of an old idea, each time we uncover a character defect, each time we become ready to have that defect removed.
We make progress, one day at a time, as we shun that first bet, that first addictive act that could so quickly swerve us from the path of growth onto the path of despair...

Do I consider the progress I've made since I came to GA????

May I remember that there are a few new ideas in the world, only the old ones reinterpreted and reinstated.
May I always be conscious that the big things in life-- like love, brotherhood, God, abstinence from addictive behavior--become more finely defined in each human life.
So may the Twelve Steps in recovery be redefined in each of our lives, as we keep in mind that these are the time--tried principles that work.......

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
The Twelve Steps work.

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Who is This Person

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 12:49:00 +0000

If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough. VP Pappy

Who is This Person

It is not unusual for the spouse of a compulsive gambler to wake up one day with his or her whole world turned upside down. When the spouse or family becomes aware of the gambler's addiction, he may be so far in debt that the spouse cannot even comprehend the extent of the debt. It may take months for the spouse to unravel the web of debt. Often even the gambler does not know how much money he has lost or to whom he owes money. How a spouse does not realize the extent of the problem is a curiosity, however for most spouses, they are truly blind sided by the extent of the damage that the gambler has done.

Many spouses know that their spouse is a gambler, they just don't have any idea how bad it has gotten. Compulsive gamblers very quickly become master manipulators, liars and thieves. It is very common for the gambling addict to have been a responsible, thrifty, apparently well rounded individual...................until they start to gamble.

Unfortunately, you cannot tell a gambling addict when they are walking down the street. There is no smell to their breath, they don't have needle marks in their arms, they don't stumble or slur their words. Anyone, doctors, lawyers, teachers, ministers, housewives, great grandmothers, teenagers, accountants, fast food workers....anyone can be a compulsive gambler.

Gambling addiction is very much like other addictions in some ways, but it has it's own unique qualities. Gambling addiction is the only addiction that has the promise of a "jackpot." Heroin addicts do not delude themselves into thinking that if they shoot up one more time, all of their problems will be solved. The alcoholic doesn't loot his savings and 401K to buy alcohol. Sex addicts do not think that if they have just one more anonymous sexual encounter they can make up for all the damage they have done. The compulsive gambler continues to gamble thinking that the next turn of the card, roll of the dice or spin of the wheels will be the "big one." The win that will make it all all right, turn their luck around, allow them to pay back all of the money they have lost. Unfortunately, even if there is a big win, it doesn't matter. The compulsive gambler just keeps gambling, thinking if he won that much, he can win some more. One of the worst things that can happen to a pathological gambler is to win big. It just reinforces that idea that if he keeps at it, he will win more.

Once the gambler becomes a pathological gambler, he or she is no longer the same person and neither is their spouse. The person who always buys used cars because new cars lose value too quickly, suddenly doesn't think anything of blasting through $1,000 on the slots in an hour. The guy who maxed out his 401K contributions every year finds himself blowing on dice, screaming "come on seven" with his last dollar on the table. The person who has scrimped and saved for years to buy the R.V. to travel in during his golden years, suddenly finds it reasonable to bet it all on red at the roulette table. The person who has saved to put his child through college because he never had the chance to go, suddenly forgets how important that goal is and blows the whole wad on the ponies in a fun filled weekend.

It's almost as if they have compulsive gambler seminars at the casino, they all seem to learn very quickly how to hide their tracks. Gambling addicts take off work early to get home before the mail gets there so their spouse won't find the bills or they get a post office box or have their bills delivered at work trying to hide their handiwork. They know the name, age of children and birthplace of the person at the payday loan company. They don't answer their cell phones. They sneak away from work so their spouse won't know they have been to the casino. The list is endless of the ways that a gambling addict will find to gamble and to cover up what they are doing.

They will beg, borrow and steal to finance their gambling. They will drain the families' savings, 401 Ks, children's college funds, take the equity out of their homes, steal from their employers, charge their credit cards to the maximum, take out new credit cards, borrow from banks, finance companies, payday loan companies, borrow from friends, family and coworkers, they will take the money their kid earned mowing lawns in the summer, all in the delusion that sooner or later they will win enough to pay it all back.

The compulsive gambler will only stop gambling when they no longer have access to money.

They become liars. They cannot seem to find it in themselves to tell the truth. They will lie to their spouse, children, supervisors, the neighbors, but mostly they lie to themselves. They know they have a problem. They understand they have a problem, but they just keep doing it.

The light at the end is that gambling addiction can be treated, although there is debate over how effective treatment is. Gambler's Anonymous and other programs, counseling and time help the gambler with his problem. Gam Anon is helpful for the families. However, once gambling addiction has entered your life, it will never be the same.

For the spouse, the trust has been broken. Forever, in the back of your mind, you wonder when it will happen again. Is the gambler gambling, lying, stealing? You wonder, when is it going to start all over again, I didn't know it the last time, will I recognize it this time before it is too late? It is always in the back of your mind when you call and they don't answer their cell phone or when they are a few minutes late getting home. When the alcoholic falls of the wagon, there may be a lot of consequences, but if the gambler falls of the wagon he can take his family into bankruptcy over a weekend bender.

Some people wonder why the spouse just doesn't divorce their gambling mate and the answer to that is difficult. There is a plethora of reasons for not leaving, but the reality is that the only hope that many spouses have of getting out of debt is for the gambler to quit gambling and help pay off the bills. Most debt that is acquired by the gambler is seen as "marital debt" and even if the spouse divorces the gambler, they will still have to pay back the debt.

Gambling addiction has one of the highest suicide rates of all addictions and this is partially due to the nature of the consequences. With most addictions, the addict can lose everything he had, his family, his job, his self-respect, he can take himself down to having nothing left, zero, zip, nada. However. the gambling addict may have lost all of those things, but his aftermath doesn't stop merely at zero. The gambler may have lost his family, job, self-respect AND may be thousands, tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and the only way he knows of to get out of debt is........(insert drum roll) ....................to gamble and win the big one. When the alcoholic quits drinking, he picks up the pieces and moves on, but the gambler may be faced with overwhelming debt that he cannot see a way out of when he quits gambling.

Don't despair, many gambling addicts make it through, quit gambling and move on with their lives, but as with any other addiction it can be a life time struggle both for the gambler and the people who love them.

All material remains the property of the author

http://www.oagaa.org/html/who_is_this_person_.htm

YOU DETERMINE YOUR ATTITUDE

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 16:58:00 +0000

Your attitude is not determined by circumstances, but by how you respond to your circumstances.
You can respond positively or negatively to any situation.

It's how you react to events, not the events themselves, that determines your attitude.

Any challenge facing you
is not as important as your attitude towards it, for that will determine your success or failure.

Things turn out best for the people
who make the best of the way things turn out.

It's not your position but your disposition that counts.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 03:07:00 +0000

April 1
If we don't want to slip, we'll avoid slippery places. For the gambler that means shunning poker parties and race tracks and anywhere that gambling is taking place. For me, certain emotional situations can also be slippery places; so can indulgence in old ideas, such as a well-nourished resentment that is allowed to build to explosive proportions.

Do I carry the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program with me wherever I go?

TODAY I PRAY
May I learn not to test myself too harshly by "asking for it," by stopping in at the casino, the Bingo hall, or the track. Such "testing" can be dangerous, especially if I am egged on, not only by a craving for the old object of my addictions, but by others still caught in addiction whose moral responsibility has been reduced to
zero.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Avoid slippery places.

April 2
What causes slips? What happens to a person who apparently seems to
understand and live the Twelve Step way, yet decides to go out gambling again? What can I do to keep this from happening to me? Is there any consistency among those who slip, any common denominators that seem to apply? We can each draw our own conclusions, but we learn in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that certain inactions will all but guarantee an eventual slip.

When a person who has slipped is fortunate enough to return to the Program, do I listen carefully to what he or she says about the slip?

TODAY I PRAY
May my Higher Power show me if I am setting myself up to gamble again. May I glean from the experiences of others that the reasons for such a lapse of resolve or such an accident of will most often stem from what I have not done rather than from what I have done. May I "keep coming back" to meetings.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Keep coming back.

April 3
In almost every instance, the returned slipper says, "I stopped going to meetings," or "I got fed up with the same old stories and the same old faces," or "My outside commitments were such that I had to cut down on meetings," or "I felt I'd received the optimum benefits from the meetings, so I sought further help from more meaningful activities." In short, they simply stopped going to meetings. A saying I've heard at Gambers Anonymous hits the nail on the head: "Them that stops going to meetings are not present at meetings to hear about what happens to them that stops going to meetings."

Am I going to enough meetings for me?

TODAY I PRAY
God keep me on the path of the GA Program. May I never be too tired, too busy, too complacent, too bored to go to meetings. Almost always those complaints are reversed at a meeting if I will just get myself there. My weariness dissapates in serenity. My busyness is reduced to it's rightful proportion. My complacency gives way to vigilance again. Any how can I be bored in a place where there is so much fellowship and joy?

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Attend the meetings.

April 4
Another common denominator among those who slip is failure to use the tools of the Gamblers Anonymous Program--the Twelve Steps. The comments heard most often are, "I never did work the Steps," "I never got past the First Step," "I worked the Steps too slow," or "too fast" or "too soon". What it boils down to is that these people considered the Steps, but didn't conscientiously and sincerely apply the Steps to their lives.

Am I learning how to protect myself and help others?

TODAY I PRAY
May I be a doer of the Steps and not a hearer only. May I see some of the common mis-Steps that lead to a fall: being too proud to admit Step one; being to tied to everyday earth to feel the presence of a Higher Power; being over- whelmed by the thought of preparing Step Four, a complete moral and financial inventory; being to reticent to share that inventory. Please God, guide me as I work the Twelve Steps.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
To watch my steps.

April 5
Still another common thread we invariable see among slippers is that many of them felt dissatisfaction with today. "I forgot we live one day at a time," or "I begain to anticipate the future," or "I began to plan results, not just plan." They seemed to forget that all we have is NOW. Life continued to get better for them and, as many of us do, they forgot how bad it had been. They began to think, instead, of how dissatisfying it was compared to what it could be.

Do I compare today with yesterday, realizing, that by contrast, what great benefits and blessings I have today?

TODAY I PRAY
If I am discourged with today, may I remember the sorrows and hassles of yesterday. If I am impatient for the future, let me appreciate today and how much better it is than the life I left behind. May I never forget the principle of "one day at a time."

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
The craziness of yesterday

The Support of a Friend

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 23:09:00 +0000

You probably thought you couldn't do it. But somehow, you did. You faced it, admitted you have a problem and you're starting to look for help. You took some steps that started the healing process, and soon your life will be changing: Your relationships may get better, your conscience will be eased, and hopefully your life will seem more appealing. Best of all, you know you're doing the right thing.

You'll need encouragement and frequent reminders to keep going on this new and less-than-clearly marked path. It's important to remember, though, that admitting you need help is the hardest part of overcoming an addiction or problem. The more you reveal and share with others, the more likely people will be to expect your life to change. On the one hand, that thought may fill you with the dread and burden of responsibility. After all, if you tell people, they'll expect you to change. Then, if (and when) you relapse, they'll be disappointed in you or even hate you — right? Wrong. The people who truly love you will stick with you as you fight this problem, supporting you both when you change and when you fail. They care about you and want you to succeed. They're probably proud of you — as you should be of yourself — for even having the desire to change. The proverbial "end of the tunnel" may be harder for you to see than for those around you to envision.

The point: People are a vital part of the change you're undergoing. You need them. Without them, you will continue to live in your cramped, airless closet of addiction. Without them, your likelihood of failure increases. That's why you need someone to hold you accountable. So what does accountability look like?

Evaluate your need for help. Depending on where you are in the recovery process from addiction, you may need more help than an accountability partner can give. Often, the best case scenario is the simultaneous help of a professional counselor and an accountability partner. A professional counselor has in-depth education and training and will only see you periodically; an accountability partner may not have background or experience in counseling but can be available and supportive during times of temptation, challenge and success. If you need the services of a professional counselor, TroubledWith.com offers a free, one-time phone consultation with a licensed Christian counselor, as well as referrals to counselors in your area.

Begin by giving an accurate picture of where you are. In the beginning of an accountability partnership, it's critical that you paint an accurate picture for the person who's signed on to help. Unless you let your partner know the core of what's going on, they are powerless to accurately aid you in change. You've got to be on the same page. Don't beat around the bush. The first time you meet with the person who will be helping you, tell them where you are with your addiction and where you want to be. Define for them what role you expect them to play in the changes you hope to make. This first conversation will doubtless be hard, but only when you've trusted a person and put yourself on the line can they really begin to help.

Choose a partner wisely. There are no specific requirements — it doesn't have to be a professional counselor. It could be your best friend or a co-worker. But it must be someone trustworthy, mature, willing and available. Caution: It's not usually a good idea to ask your spouse to be your accountability partner. They'll encourage you and notice changes along the way, but this experience will be difficult and it often helps to have a friend who's not as involved and immersed in your life as a spouse.

Be totally honest. No hiding. No matter how embarrassing, you share. That, of course, implies that the person in relationship with you will be someone who respects you, knows you're struggling, is willing to help, and loves you.

Allow your accountability partner to be honest. Now's the time for you to accept criticism and encouragement without holding back. As you choose a person to hold you accountable, pick someone that will be honest and give you an accurate opinion of the changes you've made and the hurdles you face. At this point, you're weak and need someone strong to hold you up.

Meet regularly and face-to-face. Committing to a set time is best. That way, you'll know you have to report on your progress and struggles each and every week. If a set time isn't possible, try to interact with this partner at least once a week. Meeting face-to-face is also crucial. It's harder, but it's more personal and forces you to be more honest and open than by e-mail or phone.

Answer hard questions. In the beginning, line up weekly questions. Don't be afraid to be specific. For example, if you're fighting pornography, you might have your accountability partner ask: Have you viewed pornography this week? How many times? What were you doing when you made the choice to view it? These are painful, even somewhat embarrassing, questions, but to overcome your addiction, you must be willing to confront pain and embarrassment.

Change with their help. This shouldn't be purely a time of encouragement or purely a time of criticism. You set goals, and you reach them. Timelines don't matter as much as progressive change. Let your accountability partner be your support line, a shoulder to cry on, someone to turn to in weak moments and someone who will love you.

I once heard about a college guy who asked his pastor for help with a drinking problem. The pastor began holding him accountable, and they met together weekly. During the first meeting, the pastor promised that within a year, this young student would be a different man. In the beginning, change was a week-by-week process. He managed to stop drinking, raise his GPA and even began to help others with their problems. However, not quite a year later, the young man pledged a fraternity and began drinking again. He stopped showing up for accountability meetings, leaving the pastor sitting alone at IHOP. When he didn't show, the pastor prayed. A few weeks later, the pastor answered his phone to hear weeping. Through tears, the young man asked his pastor to forgive him, achingly recalling that he hadn't made it a year without failure. When he asked, "Can we start over?" the pastor responded, "No, we can start exactly where we left off."

What the wise pastor realized was that this relapse had been more of a lesson than any lecture or chastisement. Letting someone hold you accountable for change can be a painful process, but it's a process with opportunities to be loved, rewarded, and ultimately, to change.

You've taken the first step. Have courage to keep changing and be confident — you're headed in the right direction.

EVERYONE HAS A CHANCE TO BE SUCCESSFUL

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:49:00 +0000

People often handle life as they do bad weather.
They while away the time waiting for it to stop.
Yet the tide of opportunity comes to everyone.
Opportunity knocks all the time, but you've got to be ready for it.
When your chance comes, you must have the equipment to take advantage of it.
The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, for time and chance happen to everyone.
Take a second look at what appears to be someone's 'good luck.'
You'll find not luck but preparation, planning and success-producing thinking.
When you're prepared for opportunity your chance for success is sure to come.
The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success.

©2006 by Max Steingart
Reproduce freely but maintain © notice

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 22:07:00 +0000

When I sit quietly and compare my life today with the way it used to be, the difference is almost beyond belief. But things aren't always rosey; some days are a lot better than others. I tend to accept the bad days more easily on an intellectual level than I do emotionally, or at gut-level. There are no pat answers, but part of the solution surely lies in a constant effort to practice all of the Twelve Steps. Do I accept the fact that my Higher Power will never give me more than I can handle -- one day at a time?

Today I Pray
That I may receive strength in the knowledge that God never gives us more than we can bear, that I can always, somehow, endure present pain, whereas the trials of a lifetime, condensed into one disastrous moment, would surely overcome me. Thanks to God for giving us only those tribulations that are in proportion to our strength, never destroying us in our frailty. May I remember that fortitude grows out of suffering.

Today I Will Remember
Present pain is endurable.

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 20:48:00 +0000

The experiences of thousands upon thousands of people have proved that acceptance and faith are capable of producing freedom from gambling. When we apply the same principles of acceptance and faith to our emotional problems, however, we discover that only relative results are possible. Obviously, for example, nobody can ever become completely free from fear, anger, or pride. None of us will ever achieve perfect love, harmony, or serenity. We'll have to settle for very gradual progress, punctuated occasionally by very heavy setbacks. Have I begun to abandon my old attitude of "all or nothing?"

Today I Pray
May God grant me the patience to apply those same principles of faith andacceptance that are keys to my recovery to the whole of my emotional being. May I learn to recognize the festering of my own human anger, my hurt, my frustration, my sadness. With the help of my Higher Power, may I find appropriate ways to deal with these feelings without doing harm to myself or others.

Today I Will Remember
Feelings are real -- I will acknowledge them.

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 14:32:00 +0000

Since I came to GA, I've become increasingly aware of the Serenity Prayer. I see it on literature covers, the walls of meeting rooms, and in the home of new found friends. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Do I understand the Serenity Prayer? Do I believe in its power and repeat it often? Is it becoming easier for me to accept the things I cannot change?

Today I Pray: Grant me that the words of the Serenity Prayer never become mechanical for me or lose their meaning in the lulling rhythms of repetition. I pray that these words will continue to take on new depths of significance as I fit life's realities to them. I trust I may find the solutions, I need in this prayer, which, in its simplicity, encompasses all of life's solutions.

Today I Will Remember: Share the Prayer.

Reflection for the Day

noreply@blogger.com (LindaH) — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 20:53:00 +0000

In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have said, "Why me?" when I am trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am, and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over gambling, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things.

Am I learning to accept life on life's terms?

Today I Pray
May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person, by nature, faces continually. May I be entirely ready to have this defect of character removed.

Today I Will Remember
Control for the controller (me).

January 8 - Reflection for the Day
Today is the day for which I asked and for which I have been given strength.
That in itself is a miracle. The fact that I am alive is the great miracle from which all other miracles will flow, providing I continue to do the things that have brought me this far in my new life.

Am I grateful that I have been given this day?

Today I Pray
May God's goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. May I never cease to wonder at the greatest miracle in my life -- that I am alive, here, on this green earth, and growing healthier with the life-preserving tools I have been given. Since God has chosen me to give me life and to preserve my life, even through the dangers of my gambling addiction, may I always continue to listen for His plan for me. May I always believe in miracles.

Today I Will Remember
My life is a miracle.

January 7 - Reflection of the Day
I'm beginning to see just how unnatural my old life actually was, and that it became increasingly so as my illness progressed. The longer I'm in the GA Program, the more comfortable this new way of life seems. At first, it was impossible for me to extend my hand to a newcomer; such an act was wholly unnatural for me. But it is becoming increasingly easier for me to reach out to another person. Sharing my experience, strength, and hope is becoming a naturalpart of daily living.

Have I learned that I can't keep what I've gotten unless I "give it away?"
Will I take the time to share today?

Today I Pray
May I share my love, my joy, my happiness, my time, my hospitality, my knowledge of things on earth, and my faith in a Higher Power. Even though I may not see the results of my acts of sharing, may I take joy in the acts themselves. May sharing, according to God's plan, become as natural to me as speaking or breathing.

Today I Will Remember
Be never sparing in caring and sharing.

January 6 - Reflection of the Day
Gamblers Anonymous, wrote Dr. Robert L. Custer in the foreword to the GA Blue Book, is a Program of the Twelve Steps "that's provides a framework of hope, structure, and friendship" for those who have chosen the road to a "successful adaptation to a life without gambling." He adds, "This road can be smooth or rocky, but in any case, it is never a painless journey..." As a recovering compulsive gambler, I can face any discomforts today, knowing that the pain of recovery will never be as acute and desperate as the pain of my gambling days.

Am I prepared to see each new day in the GA Program as a time for learning, growing, and making healthy choices?

Today I Pray
May I make prudent use of the power of choice that God has given me, to plan wisely, one day at a time, without becoming a slave to apprehension, regret or anxiety. I pray that God's will be done through the exercising of my own will, which He, in His goodness, has given me.

Today I Will Remember
God wills my will to be.